Fall Fun

It seems like it has taken forever for Fall to get here

All of September was unusually warm

And the leaves really hadn't started to change until mid October

So when we stopped by the park yesterday

We were all so happy that the grass was covered in

Crisp, crunchy, red leaves!
 

Fall is my favorite season

I love the bite in the air

I love the change

The transition

On a side note~

I am so excited for Halloween this year

I am making William's costume

and it is turning out cuter then expected

I made his costume last year the night before his school Halloween party

And it showed

luckily he was so happy about the party he didn't care

But this year we had a plan

and I didn't wait until the last minute

Which might be a first for me

I am not sure who is more excited me or him

Back to the park~

Most of our adventures Mia is on my back

Its just easier then hauling the stroller around

The only down side is she is so happy back there I never think to take her out

So she misses out of the running around

We took the stroller yesterday

and as soon as we saw the leaves she wanted to get out

She ran around and had so much fun

It was the first time that William and Mia were really got to play together

She would run and he would chase her

Then he would fall down and she would follow his lead

They laughed and laughed

It was amazing to watch

I thought that it would be a long time

Before they could really enjoy each other’s company

But as it turns out they already do

Opening a Closed Adoption?

When I first started thinking about adoption my initial thought was I would never want an open adoption. It seemed so messy and stressful for everyone involved. I thought I was not strong enough for that. When William was placed with us he was coming from another foster home and his parental rights had been terminated. We never had contact with his birthparents and had no information on them until after our adoption was finalized. I felt a bit of relief at the time having such separation between his birthparents and us. Part of this I think steams from adopting from foster care and not domestically or internationally. There are a lot of unknowns when adopting from foster care. I think most peoples first concern when considering foster care adoption is becoming attached to a child and having them returned home. This makes it that much harder to build a relationship with birthparents. There is a lot of uncertainly in foster care that we felt long before we got our first placement. So when we were placed with a child whose parental right had been terminated it took away some of that uncertainty.


William’s adoption was finalized in March but we didn’t get his family profile until May. It was during this time that I really started to think about William’s mom and what affect not having a relationship with her would have on him. Not only the affect on him but also the affect of losing a child must have had on her. I also found out through his family profile that he has 4 older sisters that live with his birthmother. I googled her name but found nothing but dead ends. I felt like there was really no way for me to get in contact with them so I gave up my search.

When we were placed with Mia over a year later we thought she would be with us for a month. She was placed with us in April and she was to return home in May. So I did everything I could to facilitate a good relationship with her mom know that she would be returning back there soom. I would email her whenever she would do something new and send her pictures between visits. As time went on and Mia’s situation started looking more like reunification was unlikely I started thinking more about open adoption. I love Mia’s mom and it breaks my heart the situation she is in. I only want the best for Mia and I truly believe that having some kind of a relationship with her mom will make her feel better about her adoption in the future. I never want my kids to grow up and feel like I hid their adoption from them. I always want it to be something that we can talk and feel good about. I know that if I was adopted and I turned 18 I would look for my birth family. Not to replace my mom or my dad but because your birthparents are a part of who you are weather you like it or not.

So yesterday I was sitting at the computer and William’s birthfathers name popped into my head out of know where. I typed it in like I have a few times before and surprisingly this time his facebook page came up. This was the first time I had ever seen a photo of him. Then I searched his mom and don’t you know that she just started using facebook too. It was a strange feeling looking at their pictures. I immediately felt a connection with them; similar to the feeling I have with Mia’s mom.

Now I am not really sure what to do. Michael always tells me that if you don’t know what to do its best to do nothing until it is clear what direction to go. I am not really sure that William is ready to meet them face-to-face. He is still young and has been through so much in such a short time. The last time he saw his birthfather he was 2 and I am not sure if he has ever met his birthmom. He showed some strong signs when he first came to us of reactive attachment disorder that he has overcome but I don’t know what affect seeing his birth family would have on him.

At the same time I want to reach out to his mom. To tell her William is ok and loved and safe. To send her pictures so she can see for herself that he is happy. I would like to start a line of communication so as William grows older he can see her and his sisters. So they can come to his birthdays and graduations. So he never has to wonder who this woman is that gave him life. So William, his birth family, and our family can feel at peace with his adoption and so William knows that we all love him so much.

I am not really sure what my next move will be but I will be praying that God will lead me in the direction that is best for everyone. I am beginning to see even the perfect adoption is messy. There are always going to be questions that are hard to answer. But I couldn’t imagine my family any other way. Birth parents included.

At the patch

On Sunday afternoon we decided to take a little adventure to the pumpkin patch

It was the perfect fall day with that cool crispness in the air

And the leaves are finally changing here

So the drive there was beautiful

It was pretty crowded but that didn't stop us from having a great time

We took a hayride to the patch

And we walked around for a while looking for the perfect pumpkin

(and the perfect picture:)

William saw that some of the pumpkins were still green

And decided right away that we were looking for the perfect green one

We passed over some of the nicest plump orange pumpkins ever

In search of the great green pumpkin

Mia found one that she liked

And tried to pick it up

When she was unsuccessful she turned to William for help

Being the awesome big brother that her is he tried with all his might

But the pumpkin did not budge

It was orange and we were pretty set on a green one so we moved on

Finally after much searching we found the perfect green pumpkin

We pulled it off the vine and brought it home

I am just hoping that it doesn't turn orange on us as time goes on:)

Wordless Wednesday

Brotherly Love

I have been amazed lately at the bond that has developed between William and Mia

When she was first placed with us William wasn't 100% sold on the idea of a little sister

He was pretty happy with his position as an only child

and it took a little while before he was willing to give that spotlight up

But over the last 7 months he has really fallen for this little girl

I can tell the feeling is mutual because

there is no one that can make her laugh like he can

When she cries in the car he sings her Twinkle Twinkle and she stops

As soon as she sees him she runs right over for a hug

Her first real steps were walking in his direction

He is always looking out for her

When she wakes up from her nap he is quick to tell me

When she finds a little piece of paper on the floor he gets it so she doesn't choke
He is always sharing his toys with her
And is patiently waiting for the day they can really play together
It makes me so happy seeing him love her!

Weekend Wondering

Before and After

This week for Pixel Perfect Before and After blog hop I edited this photo of William I took the other night. Its was super cloudy out and it was late. The combo led to some pretty bad lighting scenarios but I just got my new camera in the mail and I was not going to sleep without trying it out bad lighting or not.

SOOC

Edit

Taken with my Canon 60D edited with Gimp

Skater Boy

William is fearless
It used to make me nervous
He likes to jump from high places
He likes anything that goes fast
Pretty much if there is an element of danger he's in

After his eye incident in the spring

I have relaxed a bit worrying about his boyish ways

No matter how hard I fight it

He is going to get bumps, bruises, stitches, casts

I just want to be there to patch him back up

He has been bugging me like crazy lately

to take him to the skate park

We used to go a lot

But it not really the kinda place you take a baby

And I usually have both of them

So we rarely go anymore

Its been months since we last went

but he still reminds me daily how close it is

So when Michael came home early from work today

I saw the perfect opportunity to get some skating in

He just jumps right in

He doesn't even seem to notice

that everyone else there is a good 10-15 years older then him

He skates his little heart out

We had a great time just the two of us

How babywearing made me a mom

When William first came to us he bonded right away to Michael. He loved going on adventures with him. The morning trip to the coffee shop was his favorite. He would say, “We are going you stay here”. I tried really hard not to take it personally but I’m not going to lie, it hurt. He loved all of the girls that worked at the coffee shop and was always using his magic to get milk and other treats. He loved our downstairs neighbor S. He even called her mom a few times. He would show love and affection to every woman he came in contact with except me.

  As Michael started working more William and I started spending more time together. Living in the city everywhere you go requires a lot of walking. The park was about 10 blocks away and so was Whole Foods are two most common destinations. It was a lot of walking for a three year old. Also at the time we didn’t know about his food intolerances so he was suffering with a lot of joint pain and fatigue. We would walk about a block before he would need to sit down and rest. I tried pushing him in a stroller but navigating that thing down busy city streets, on sidewalks that were uneven and cracked was not an easy task. After one super frustrating stroller trip I remembered the Babyhawk Mei Tai that I had stashed away in my closet. When we got home I pulled it out and tossed William on my back and he loved it.

This was amazing because before this he did not want to be held close. If you hugged him to long he would get upset and pull away. So having him close to me like this was so treasured. It felt like we were bonding and he didn’t even know it. Now if you know anything about baby carriers you know that the Babyhawk is for babies not for three year olds so it was not the perfect fit but it did the job until I had time to research more options. So I went online and found a site called The Babywearer.

There I found all sorts of carrier reviews and an endless amount of resources for new babywears. I was in heaven. I finally found a way to be close to my son. It was the missing piece to our parenting puzzle. William loved being on my back. He could see everything and he didn’t have to walk. He was a happy camper. It took trying a lot of carriers before we found the perfect fit. Wearing and older child is a little more of a challenge just because their weight can become uncomfortable every fast if not distributed properly.

We had limited funding for this project so I would buy a carrier, try it, and if it didn’t work I would sell the on TBW forums to fund a new one. I did this a lot but I was determined to find the perfect fit for us. And you know what? It finally paid off. I tried the Olive and Applesauce 18” carrier and I knew as soon as I loaded William in there it was perfect. I can wear him for hours with out feeling his weight at all. I use other carriers for him as well. I just figured out how to use a woven wrap and that is also a great way to carry a heavier child. I wore William everyday that he was four. William is 5 now and I still wear him from time to time. I would wear him more but  now that we have him on a diet that is not making him sick he has his energy back so he likes to walk. I am so glad to have found babywearing when I did. I felt him pulling away and through babywearing I was able to pull him back in and I am so thankful for that.

Please check out Adventures in Babywearing to read other peoples stories about how babywearing has impacted them. Also check out Baby Carrier Industry Alliance's facebook page for more info.