Fostering Awareness

TPR

2011-12-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

It's truly true!
After 20 months of unknowns
Mia's parental rights were voluntarily terminated

This is exciting news for our family
because it means we should be able
to finalized Mia's and Eli's adoption on the same day
Our adoption paper work has been complete
for months now so we just have to sit back and wait for a court date!!

Catching up!

2011-12-01T07:30:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been forever since I last blogged
Everyone is doing well here

It has been a busy few months
We moved in September
William started first grade
We decided to try school outside of the home this year
And it has been going well
William loves it

Mia's case has been going as slow as molasses
Her mom has been so cooperative and really wants to see us adopt her
But it has been one case worker mistake after another
We were scheduled for TPR (termination of parental rights)
A few days ago but it was just continued again

I know that things are moving in the right direction
Its just going to take longer then expected
But as long as she is here and safe and happy
I'm OK with that.

Eli's case has been almost the complete opposite of Mia's
Things have been going really fast
The judge granted TPR last month
And we should be getting a court date to finalize our adoption sometime in January
Its hard to believe that he will be adopted before Mia

So in a nut shell that has been whats going on here
Everyone is doing well and growing way to fast
I'm just trying to find a way to slow down time so I don't miss anything

Beach Days!

2011-06-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

This and That

2011-05-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have good intentions to update here but things keep getting in the way

Like~

Williams tee ball season started
It has been great watching him this year
Last year he spent most of the season in the outfield picking flowers
Now he pays attention to whats going on and is getting really good
He loves it!

Mia wants so badly to help with the baby
I often find him in his swing with three binkys and a bottle all piled on top of him
She means well

Eli is doing great
We have finally seem to have his reflux under control
So his is in a lot less pain
He is starting to develop a sleep patten
And is only waking two times a night
Which is a huge improvement from six
He has doubled in size in the last two months and is now over 9 lbs

So its been hard to find the time to blog
But slowly we are getting back to a routine

All in the Family

2011-04-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

William and I had our photographs in an art show
With my dad this past weekend
We had been telling William about it for some time
But he really didn't seem to excited until the moment we got ready to go

As we loaded everyone in the car
He yelled to his friend on the block that he was leaving for his art show
He seemed so proud

Once we got there he walked around
and asked all the adults he could find
if they would like to come and look at his piece
(his words not mine)
He seemed so grown up
I could hardly stand it
Then he found some friends around his age
And quickly turned back into the 5 year old
I know and love :)

Mia spent the whole time looking out the window
And dancing with my dad on the other side
It was a great time all around

The show was for artist, their parents, children and their siblings
It was a great concept and I am really glad to have been a part of it

One year ago today!

2011-04-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

This time exactly one year ago
I was sitting in Whole Foods
Having lunch with Michael
Waiting to return to class
When my phone rang
It was a call about a placement
It completely took us by surprise
Considering we had not had a placement call in over a year
We said yes and ran home to get everything set up for her arrival

At 6 months she could not roll over
She could not sit up on her own
She was very tiny and seemed pretty out of it
She never smiled
The back of her head was completely bald
from spending so much time in her crib
Over all she seems really under developed

We had no idea how long she would be staying with us
At first it was one month
Then there was a set back with her going home
And one month turned into five
After five months things were up in the air again
And it seemed like she would be going back soon
But as time went on the plan changed over and over again
And here we are now one year later and she is still in our care

She has changed so much in the last year
Its hard to believe she the same little girl
She is so funny and outgoing
She has such a personality
I am so amazed by how much she has grown
And I am so grateful I was able to to see all of it!

Where to begin

2011-04-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy few months here

Mia is still with us
She had a court date last month
And her goals have changed from reunification to adoption
We still have a long road to go before anything is finalized though
She will have been with us for a year tomorrow

William is doing great
We started his growth hormone replacement
And he is finally growing
They said it would be at least six months before we saw any results
But its been 3 and he has grown 2 inches
After not growing at all for 2 years that a pretty big deal

And lastly, the biggest news of all
On March 1st we got a call from our agency about a two day old baby boy
Later that evening the DHS worker dropped off the tiniest baby I have ever seen
He was 4 lbs 14oz and perfectly healthy
He had a few hiccups along the way as far as his heath
But considering all that he has been though he is doing amazing!
William and Mia love him as much as they love each other
Which is pretty remarkable

For the blog lets call him Eli

More on all of this later but thats my quick attempt to get everyone up to speed

Back in Action!

2011-04-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

For months now I have been going back and forth
Trying to figure out where I want to go with this blog
I want to share so much on here
But I feel like a lot of it is not really my story to tell
I leave out a lot of information of for the sake of my children's privacy
And sometimes its makes it hard to share anything at all
because its not always clear where to draw that line

I gave much thought to deleting this blog
But in the end through this blog I have meet so many amazing and inspiring people
And I don't want to give that up
So I am going back to writing just as I did before
Sharing what I feel comfortable with
And leaving out what I don't

You always can email me if you have individual questions about our family
Or our experiences with foster care and adoption
There are plenty of details I would love to talk about
But I don't cover on the blog

I feel so much better putting this out there
And I am so excited to catch up on all that has happened in the last few months!

This and That

2011-01-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Since my computer wasn't working most of the month of December

When I finally got it fixed

I had hundreds of pictures to upload and edit

Theses are such a random bunch of photos

But I just couldn't resit sharing them

Even if they are a little old now

Waiting for the train

Somehow we always seem to just miss it

(I wonder why?)

But at least I have entertainment while we wait

And then one from the day we decorated our tree

I told you they were random :)

Saturday Snowflakes!

2011-01-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning
To snow falling when I looked out the window
William was so excited

The last time it snowed
right after Christmas
We didn't get a whole lot play time
Our schedules were so busy after the holiday
And it was bitter cold out
So we had some lost time to make up for

Mia has a nasty cold
so she sat this one out
William and I set out on our snowy adventure
Just the two of us

So much fun!

Guys and Dolls

2011-01-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'm back finally
My computer was having major issues the past few weeks
And with the holidays I was way to busy to do anything about it

So it was rather quite around here on this blog of mine

But I am back now and I hope everyone had a great holiday

There is something that has been on my mine ever since Christmas
And I thought I'd share here and see what other people thought
In November I asked William what he would really like for Christmas
And he told me he wanted a boy baby doll and a bottle
I figured it was a fleeting idea he had
But every time someone would ask him what he wanted he said the same thing
So I set out to find him a doll

You would be amazed at how difficult it is to find
A doll that is not dressed in pink
It wasn't easy but I found one
Now as Christmas was getting closer
more people are asking William about presents
And more people are chiming in on him wanting a doll

Strangers on the bus, Security guards at the store, family members

All telling him he doesn't want a doll

Dolls are for girls, why would you ask for that

Don't you want a ball or car?

One day we were in the Mall

And Santa was there

We really don't do a who lot of Santa stuff around here

But William really wanted to see him and there was no line so we went

He sat on Santa's lap and he asked what he would like for Christmas

William said he wanted a doll and a bottle
And you should have seen the look on Santas face
Then Santa asked him to repeat himself because maybe he heard him wrong
But second time same thing
Really your Santa, a boy never asked you for a doll before?

I didn't give the whole thing a lot of thought in the beginning
I knew why he wanted a doll
He sees me take care if Mia everyday and feed her bottles

And he wants to be like his Mommy

I see nothing wrong with that

It took William a really long time to

figure out how to play make believe type games

So anything that moves him in the direction of creative play

I in courage

But it made me really sad

that all of these people were telling him it was wrong to want a doll

He got his baby on Christmas morning and could not have been happier
Luckily hes not the type of kid to be discouraged easily
All of the comments didn't bother him one bit
He got a ton of gifts for Christmas
but that's the one he tells everyone about

Christmas Crafts (Necklaces)

2010-12-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

Its been a bit quite around here because I have been working like crazy to try and get everything done for Christmas. I am making the majority of my gifts again this year and I am trying to give myself enough time (unlike last year) I hope I have some finish projects to share with you guys soon. But in the mean time here is a re-post from one of my Christmas projects last year. ~

I know we are getting pretty close to Christmas to be starting any major projects
But these are so simple and they only take maybe an hour to make.

What you will need:
Bigger Glass Flat Marbles~ I found mine at Joann's
Scrapbooking paper or Photos~ If you print photos from your computer on regular paper that works great, I also used photo from an old National Geographic I had lying around
Silicone glue~ I used Bead and Glass glue
Glossy effects~ I found this by the rubber stamps (diamond glaze is better but I couldn't find that)
Glue on Bails~ These are the little loops at the top that your necklace goes through
I had some bail and I also just used some flat metal beads that had a loop and glued them and and that worked too
Jump rings~ To put through the bails

What to do:

First trace the glass bead on the paper
Cut it out and put a small blob of silicone glue on the paper
And press down the glass marble onto the paper so the glue spreads out
And covers the whole marble
Next flip it over and glue the bail on with the silicone glue
then you are ready for the Glossy Effect
Follow the instructions on the bottle and create a 3d dome on the backThen you just have to do is let it dry and add the jump ring

I am really happy with the final product. I was thinking it would be easy to turn these into key chains with photos for Grandpas and such.

Something similar except with magnets here~
http://fosteringawareness.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas-crafts.html

Happy Crafting!!!

Finding the Perfect Tree

2010-12-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

Saturday we set out in search of the perfect tree

It was freezing but we were determined

We walked around and

looked and looked (some of us might have been a little silly while looking)

And finally we settled on this cute little tree

William insisted that I stood in front of it so he could get a picture

I figured since I chase him around all day with a camera its only fair

Last year we made the mistake of getting a huge tree

On the farm in they all look a lot smaller then they do in your house
When we got ours home last year it touched the ceiling

So this year we thought it would be better to go a little smaller
But when we got it home it seemed really tiny
Next year I think we will bring a measuring tape:)

After cutting our tree down we went home
and watched Christmas movies and started decorating
It was the perfect way to get in the holiday spirit!

Before and After

2010-12-02T08:13:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since I participated in Pixel Perfect before and after blog hop. I am sitting here editing a ton of pictures from this past week that I forget about so I thought I'd link up. I am always inspired by all of the amazing edits and I have found some of my favorite blogs through this blog hop so stop by Monica's blog to see all of the other awesome fixes this week!

SOOC

Edited

Shot with a Canon 60D and 28mm 1.8 lens

Edited in Lightroom 3

using beach bypass preset and a bit of tweaking

Enjoying The Holidays

2010-12-01T06:58:00.000-08:00

Today I am guest blogging over at From Here to Eternity!

Please stop by and say hello

We are talking all about what Christmas means to us

Jhen is an amazing woman and her blog is a constant inspiration for me

So go and check it out :)

Harder then I thought

2010-11-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

I have been trying like crazy to get a family picture of the four of us

But it has been more of a challenge then expected

I have been on a mission for months now

And I still have not been able to get one shot that works for me

Here are a few of my recent attempts
They aren't horrible
But they are just not what I had in mind

This ones kinda cute but Michael's face makes me laugh
And the baby points at everything
But at least she is looking in the direction of the camera
With half a smile

I think it might have something to do with
Using a 50mm lens on a tripod
And then wind sprinting back to the family
trying to get in the picture before the timer goes off
Next time I am going to bring someone along to help
Because I am not ready to give up

Through His Eyes

2010-11-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

William has been taking a real interest in Photography

It might have something to do with me always taking his picture :)

It is hard for me to take my camera out of the bag

Without him asking to use it

At first I was a bit nervous

But after the first shot

I could see it something he truly loves

So every time we have a little photo shoot

I try to make sure he has a turn to take a picture or two

Lately I have been blown away by the results

I tend to take a few blurry, not so good, shots

Before I get the image I am looking for

But not him
With one click he has a money shot

Its crazy

I love being able to get a glimpse of how he sees the things around him

From what I can tell he has a very artistic perception of his world

I hope as he gets older his desire to create only grows

Thankful

2010-11-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for

{Childhood Wonder}

{Warm Autumn Sunshine}

{Changing Leaves}

{Silly Little Boys}

{This Sweet Smile}

{The love they share}

{My Family}

Updates!

2010-11-19T14:22:00.000-08:00

William~
The results are back from the test he had Monday
and they are about what suspected
His MRI was normal which is great
But he failed his growth hormone test
So as soon as we are approved by the insurance
We will start daily injections of growth hormone
We talked about it with William
And he is actually really excited
We told him about the shot
And he said very matter of factly,
"its just a poke"
He is just excited to start growing.

Mia~
We have court on Tuesday
We talked a lot with her mom today
And its to soon to really say anything
But I might have more to share after court

Me~
I just got my Photography Site up and running
It is still very rough around the edges
And I really need a logo
But I can't for the life of me
figure out how to make one in photoshop
{any suggestions??}
But its a start

{Anyone who is Local to PA,NJ,DE}
I am having Photo Shoots
this weekend and next weekend
FREE 45 min Photo session and 8x10 print of your choice
If you want to order others you are welcome too!
I need to expand my portfolio
All of my pictures are of my kids :)
If you are interested email at
Lightsgracephotgraphy@Gmail.com

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

The Red Balloon

2010-11-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

Last week I had a ton of things to get done
And Michael had the car
So the kids and I set out on foot

William had been doing such a good job
helping me get everything I needed

Keeping the baby happy while we waited in line

He didn't even complain about the crazy amount of walking we were doing

I thought he deserved a little treat for being so helpful

We were walking past the party store

So we popped in and I bought him a bright red balloon

He loved it and was about as happy as could be
We crossed the street and headed towards the park
To get a little play time in before nap
When all of a sudden the balloon slipped out of his hand
And floated up into the clouds

William watched wide eyed as the balloon driffed away
I waited for the tears
But they didn't come
After the balloon was out of sight
William looked at me and said
"Its OK mom, I know God will give us another one"

We have been talking a lot lately about how

God provides us with everything we need

And in this moment his faith was so strong

He was at peace

While I watched the balloon float away
All I could think was
There was no way I was going back to the store to get another one

But after he handled the situation with such grace

He changed my mind

As we walked out of the store for a second time
New balloon in hand
He quietly said to me
"God is so good, isn't he"

And he really is.

Le ballon rouge

2010-11-15T06:41:00.000-08:00

I had planned on share this super funny story that goes with these pictures

But I really just don't have time today

Have such a busy day ahead of us

But I couldn't leave without sharing a few of these photos with you

The story will come later with the rest

Right now we are off to Children's Hospital

For about a million and one tests

To see if we can finally get to the bottom

Of William Growth issues

He really hasn't grown or gained weight in 2 years

We have been to every specialist in the city

And still no answers

He is five and a half and 29 lbs and 36" tall

All of the time people ask me if he is two

So today is the big day

I hope we finally get some answers

Its so stressful knowing something is going on with your child

And having no idea what it is

I'll let you guys know how it goes

Weekend Walk

2010-11-09T07:50:00.000-08:00

After our visit with Mia's mom on Fridays

We like to take a little walk in the woods on our way home

Its such a nice break from our normal city life

William can run carefree

Its hard to believe this park is really part of the city

We are so blessed to have found this place

Before if we wanted to take a walk in nature we would have to drive at least 45 minutes

This place is like 5 minutes away

And its so beautiful

I just can't help myself from taking way too many pictures

It doesn't help that William likes nothing more then his picture taken

And I Keep telling myself this is the last one I will add to this post

But I just can't stop :)

Don't Leave....Please!!

2010-11-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

Mia has recently developed a really bad case of separation anxiety
Since I stay at home with her I have never had any reason to leave her with anyone else
I am beginning to think maybe I should have
Even if it was just to get her used to saying goodbye
I first noticed this when I tried putting her in the church nursery
She cried and cried and cried when I left
After about a half hour of crying they came and got me
I kind of figured it was a one-time thing because she wasn't used to being without me
So every week I would take her there and the same thing happened
It really wasn't that big of a deal
I just put her in the ergo and we listen way in the back of church

Then fast forward to two weeks ago
Michael took her to her visit with her mom
When he came home
He told me that she cried when her mom tried to hold her
And every time he would put her down to play she would try to climb up his legs to get to him
As you can imagine this made her mom really sad

I couldn't believe this because we have had weekly visits for 7 months
And never once has she hesitated to go right with her mom
So this week I went so I could see for myself
And sure enough her mom reached out for her
She pulled away
Her mom tried again, she cried
I carried her back to the room and tried to put her down
She screamed and cried until I picked her up
I sat on the couch with her mom with Mia in between us
And she clung to me

Her mom was upset and left the visit early
I could see her heart breaking as Mia pulled away
I felt sick to my stomach it hurt so much to watch
I tried so hard to get her to open up and she just wouldn't
After her mom left she sat on the floor and played like nothing ever happened

I stay for every visit and her and her mom always have a good time together
I really don't know what’s causing her sudden change
I thought about dropping her off at the visit
Maybe if I'm not there she will adjust
But the visit is only an hour
And I know from church she will cry for 30min or more
So I think she will end up crying for most of the visit
I am sure that it will take a few weeks if not longer
For her to get used to me not being there
And I am not sure her mom can take the pain of seeing her daughter cry
Every time she sees her

I am considering getting a sitter one day a week
So she can practice being with someone else
I really am at such a loss
It seems like the more I try to leave her the worse it gets
Anyone have experience with separation anxiety?
What worked for you?

Wordless Wednesday!

2010-11-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

Native 'Camerican

2010-11-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

William decided about 5 minutes after last Halloween

That he would be going as a Native ‘Camerican this year

He usually is quite indecisive but this year he stuck to the plan

I was quite impressed

Mia on the other hand, we changed her costume about 15 times

I was going to make her a girl Native Camerican per Will's request

But Michael's mom got her a really cute butterfly costume

So we planed on going with that

The only issue was that she couldn't fit in her stroller with her wings on

And they weren't detachable so I decided to make a back up

I saw this Owl tutorial last year and loved it

So after we got home from church I got to work

It was really pretty easy

I already had the felt left over from something else

And the feathers were left over from William costume

I think she looked too cute for words

I am a little bias though :)

I planed on painting her face

but I had second thoughts being that she is a baby and all

She looked the part anyway

We trick or treated for a long while

Even though it was down right freezing

William would knock on the door and then say

"trick or treatin' "

It was too funny

Then he would tell them

"I hope you have a Happy Halloween"

He got a few extra pieces of candy for being so darm cute

Then we went home and played board games until bed

William is allergic to almost all candy

So we made a special basket for him

Filled with his favorite treats

He happily traded us his candy

And shared some of his Lara bar with his sister

It was a great Halloween!

Fall Fun

2010-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

It seems like it has taken forever for Fall to get here

All of September was unusually warm

And the leaves really hadn't started to change until mid October

So when we stopped by the park yesterday

We were all so happy that the grass was covered in

Crisp, crunchy, red leaves!

Fall is my favorite season

I love the bite in the air

I love the change

The transition

On a side note~

I am so excited for Halloween this year

I am making William's costume

and it is turning out cuter then expected

I made his costume last year the night before his school Halloween party

And it showed

luckily he was so happy about the party he didn't care

But this year we had a plan

and I didn't wait until the last minute

Which might be a first for me

I am not sure who is more excited me or him

Back to the park~

Most of our adventures Mia is on my back

Its just easier then hauling the stroller around

The only down side is she is so happy back there I never think to take her out

So she misses out of the running around

We took the stroller yesterday

and as soon as we saw the leaves she wanted to get out

She ran around and had so much fun

It was the first time that William and Mia were really got to play together

She would run and he would chase her

Then he would fall down and she would follow his lead

They laughed and laughed

It was amazing to watch

I thought that it would be a long time

Before they could really enjoy each other’s company

But as it turns out they already do

Opening a Closed Adoption?

2010-10-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

When I first started thinking about adoption my initial thought was I would never want an open adoption. It seemed so messy and stressful for everyone involved. I thought I was not strong enough for that. When William was placed with us he was coming from another foster home and his parental rights had been terminated. We never had contact with his birthparents and had no information on them until after our adoption was finalized. I felt a bit of relief at the time having such separation between his birthparents and us. Part of this I think steams from adopting from foster care and not domestically or internationally. There are a lot of unknowns when adopting from foster care. I think most peoples first concern when considering foster care adoption is becoming attached to a child and having them returned home. This makes it that much harder to build a relationship with birthparents. There is a lot of uncertainly in foster care that we felt long before we got our first placement. So when we were placed with a child whose parental right had been terminated it took away some of that uncertainty.

William’s adoption was finalized in March but we didn’t get his family profile until May. It was during this time that I really started to think about William’s mom and what affect not having a relationship with her would have on him. Not only the affect on him but also the affect of losing a child must have had on her. I also found out through his family profile that he has 4 older sisters that live with his birthmother. I googled her name but found nothing but dead ends. I felt like there was really no way for me to get in contact with them so I gave up my search.

When we were placed with Mia over a year later we thought she would be with us for a month. She was placed with us in April and she was to return home in May. So I did everything I could to facilitate a good relationship with her mom know that she would be returning back there soom. I would email her whenever she would do something new and send her pictures between visits. As time went on and Mia’s situation started looking more like reunification was unlikely I started thinking more about open adoption. I love Mia’s mom and it breaks my heart the situation she is in. I only want the best for Mia and I truly believe that having some kind of a relationship with her mom will make her feel better about her adoption in the future. I never want my kids to grow up and feel like I hid their adoption from them. I always want it to be something that we can talk and feel good about. I know that if I was adopted and I turned 18 I would look for my birth family. Not to replace my mom or my dad but because your birthparents are a part of who you are weather you like it or not.

So yesterday I was sitting at the computer and William’s birthfathers name popped into my head out of know where. I typed it in like I have a few times before and surprisingly this time his facebook page came up. This was the first time I had ever seen a photo of him. Then I searched his mom and don’t you know that she just started using facebook too. It was a strange feeling looking at their pictures. I immediately felt a connection with them; similar to the feeling I have with Mia’s mom.

Now I am not really sure what to do. Michael always tells me that if you don’t know what to do its best to do nothing until it is clear what direction to go. I am not really sure that William is ready to meet them face-to-face. He is still young and has been through so much in such a short time. The last time he saw his birthfather he was 2 and I am not sure if he has ever met his birthmom. He showed some strong signs when he first came to us of reactive attachment disorder that he has overcome but I don’t know what affect seeing his birth family would have on him.

At the same time I want to reach out to his mom. To tell her William is ok and loved and safe. To send her pictures so she can see for herself that he is happy. I would like to start a line of communication so as William grows older he can see her and his sisters. So they can come to his birthdays and graduations. So he never has to wonder who this woman is that gave him life. So William, his birth family, and our family can feel at peace with his adoption and so William knows that we all love him so much.

I am not really sure what my next move will be but I will be praying that God will lead me in the direction that is best for everyone. I am beginning to see even the perfect adoption is messy. There are always going to be questions that are hard to answer. But I couldn’t imagine my family any other way. Birth parents included.

At the patch

2010-10-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

On Sunday afternoon we decided to take a little adventure to the pumpkin patch

It was the perfect fall day with that cool crispness in the air

And the leaves are finally changing here

So the drive there was beautiful

It was pretty crowded but that didn't stop us from having a great time

We took a hayride to the patch

And we walked around for a while looking for the perfect pumpkin

(and the perfect picture:)

William saw that some of the pumpkins were still green

And decided right away that we were looking for the perfect green one

We passed over some of the nicest plump orange pumpkins ever

In search of the great green pumpkin

Mia found one that she liked

And tried to pick it up

When she was unsuccessful she turned to William for help

Being the awesome big brother that her is he tried with all his might

But the pumpkin did not budge

It was orange and we were pretty set on a green one so we moved on

Finally after much searching we found the perfect green pumpkin

We pulled it off the vine and brought it home

I am just hoping that it doesn't turn orange on us as time goes on:)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

Brotherly Love

2010-10-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

I have been amazed lately at the bond that has developed between William and Mia

When she was first placed with us William wasn't 100% sold on the idea of a little sister

He was pretty happy with his position as an only child

and it took a little while before he was willing to give that spotlight up

But over the last 7 months he has really fallen for this little girl

I can tell the feeling is mutual because

there is no one that can make her laugh like he can

When she cries in the car he sings her Twinkle Twinkle and she stops

As soon as she sees him she runs right over for a hug

Her first real steps were walking in his direction

He is always looking out for her

When she wakes up from her nap he is quick to tell me

When she finds a little piece of paper on the floor he gets it so she doesn't choke
He is always sharing his toys with her
And is patiently waiting for the day they can really play together
It makes me so happy seeing him love her!

Weekend Wondering

2010-10-11T06:52:00.000-07:00

Before and After

2010-10-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

This week for Pixel Perfect Before and After blog hop I edited this photo of William I took the other night. Its was super cloudy out and it was late. The combo led to some pretty bad lighting scenarios but I just got my new camera in the mail and I was not going to sleep without trying it out bad lighting or not.

SOOC

Edit

Taken with my Canon 60D edited with Gimp

Skater Boy

2010-10-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

William is fearless
It used to make me nervous
He likes to jump from high places
He likes anything that goes fast
Pretty much if there is an element of danger he's in

After his eye incident in the spring

I have relaxed a bit worrying about his boyish ways

No matter how hard I fight it

He is going to get bumps, bruises, stitches, casts

I just want to be there to patch him back up

He has been bugging me like crazy lately

to take him to the skate park

We used to go a lot

But it not really the kinda place you take a baby

And I usually have both of them

So we rarely go anymore

Its been months since we last went

but he still reminds me daily how close it is

So when Michael came home early from work today

I saw the perfect opportunity to get some skating in

He just jumps right in

He doesn't even seem to notice

that everyone else there is a good 10-15 years older then him

He skates his little heart out

We had a great time just the two of us

How babywearing made me a mom

2010-10-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

When William first came to us he bonded right away to Michael. He loved going on adventures with him. The morning trip to the coffee shop was his favorite. He would say, “We are going you stay here”. I tried really hard not to take it personally but I’m not going to lie, it hurt. He loved all of the girls that worked at the coffee shop and was always using his magic to get milk and other treats. He loved our downstairs neighbor S. He even called her mom a few times. He would show love and affection to every woman he came in contact with except me.

As Michael started working more William and I started spending more time together. Living in the city everywhere you go requires a lot of walking. The park was about 10 blocks away and so was Whole Foods are two most common destinations. It was a lot of walking for a three year old. Also at the time we didn’t know about his food intolerances so he was suffering with a lot of joint pain and fatigue. We would walk about a block before he would need to sit down and rest. I tried pushing him in a stroller but navigating that thing down busy city streets, on sidewalks that were uneven and cracked was not an easy task. After one super frustrating stroller trip I remembered the Babyhawk Mei Tai that I had stashed away in my closet. When we got home I pulled it out and tossed William on my back and he loved it.

This was amazing because before this he did not want to be held close. If you hugged him to long he would get upset and pull away. So having him close to me like this was so treasured. It felt like we were bonding and he didn’t even know it. Now if you know anything about baby carriers you know that the Babyhawk is for babies not for three year olds so it was not the perfect fit but it did the job until I had time to research more options. So I went online and found a site called The Babywearer.

There I found all sorts of carrier reviews and an endless amount of resources for new babywears. I was in heaven. I finally found a way to be close to my son. It was the missing piece to our parenting puzzle. William loved being on my back. He could see everything and he didn’t have to walk. He was a happy camper. It took trying a lot of carriers before we found the perfect fit. Wearing and older child is a little more of a challenge just because their weight can become uncomfortable every fast if not distributed properly.

We had limited funding for this project so I would buy a carrier, try it, and if it didn’t work I would sell the on TBW forums to fund a new one. I did this a lot but I was determined to find the perfect fit for us. And you know what? It finally paid off. I tried the Olive and Applesauce 18” carrier and I knew as soon as I loaded William in there it was perfect. I can wear him for hours with out feeling his weight at all. I use other carriers for him as well. I just figured out how to use a woven wrap and that is also a great way to carry a heavier child. I wore William everyday that he was four. William is 5 now and I still wear him from time to time. I would wear him more but now that we have him on a diet that is not making him sick he has his energy back so he likes to walk. I am so glad to have found babywearing when I did. I felt him pulling away and through babywearing I was able to pull him back in and I am so thankful for that.

Please check out Adventures in Babywearing to read other peoples stories about how babywearing has impacted them. Also check out Baby Carrier Industry Alliance's facebook page for more info.

Q&A Answers!

2010-09-29T06:44:00.000-07:00

Here are the answers to the questions I have been asked so far. If you have anymore feel free to leave them in the comments here or the previous post and I will do a Q&A part 2 :)

How many kids do you guys want?

Thats a good question. And the answer is I really don't know. I would love to have a big family. Realistically right now I think three is our max. Only because we drive a compact car and we can’t fit any more care seats. Our house has room for more so if we get a bigger car then that number will grow. I am sure when the time comes we will figure out a way to make it work. i don't really see our family stoping at three but you never know what God has in store.

Do you want to continue adopting? Or perhaps go Foster-only?

When we started this journey our intention was only to foster. We did not plan on adopting. When we got the call about William we were in shock that he was a foster to adopt placement. Now we are much more open to adoption. We still are receptive to any type of placements and make our decisions on a case-by-case basis.

I was wondering how you decided on foster care? How William came to you and how long it took to adopt him?

The story of becoming foster parents and William’s placement can be found here~

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

(I called him B before we finalized his adoption)
That story Here

(Mia’s name is not really Mia in case you were wondering)

Our time line went something like this

January 1st, 2009~ Michael and I talked about becoming Foster Parents

January 4th, 2009 ~ Filled out any inquiry form with our agency

January- March, 2009~ Training, Home studies, Background Checks, References

March 20th, 2009 ~ Approved for placements

April 1st, 2009~ William was placed with us

March 23, 2010~Williams Adoption was finalized

Are you fostering through the county, state or private party?

We work though an agency. We do work with the county on a regular basis as well but our placement calls come from our agency. Our visits are held at the county office. Our caseworker from our agency comes to our house every two weeks and the county caseworker comes out once a month. If we could I would just work with the county. Unfortunately our county doesn’t work directly with foster parents. There must be an agency involved, maybe because there are 1.5 million people in our county, I don’t know.

Have you only had the two in your care, or have other's come into your home and hearts?

We had a five-year-old boy placed with us in May. He was an emergency placement and we had almost no background info when we got the call. It felt right to say yes to the placement but almost right away I knew that our family was not the best fit for him. I still think there was a reason for him coming to us. He stayed for two weeks and I wanted so badly to make it work but in the end I knew it wasn’t fair for him to stay here. He was Autistic (we found this out after he left) and all of the stimulation of your house was incredibility overwhelming for him. I feel like if we had this information upfront I would have been able to better accommodate for his needs. But I really had no idea what was going on with him. He would be playing peacefully one moment and then have a violent outburst the next. His behavior was unpredictable and came on with no warning. When William came he had some serious behavior issues we had to work trough but it was much simpler because it was just him in the house. I never had to worry about anyone else getting hurt. Now with two other kids in the house I have to think about their safety. And as much as we loved this little boy it just wasn't safe. He moved in with a family where his is the only child. Unfortunately the family that he moved to is not from our agency so we were not able to get updates about him. I think about how he is doing regularly. It is hard not to second-guess this decision. It felt right saying yes to the placement but it also felt like he needed to be in a place better suited to fit his needs. Sometimes in foster care you have to make hard choices and think about all of the people in your house not just yourself.

What is the greatest advice you would give to someone wanting to foster?

Have faith. Gods timing is not always the same as yours. Know that every child that is placed with you was hand picked for your family by him. If they stay forever or go in a day they are with you in this moment for a reason. And above all else they are His children and he has a plan for them just as He has a plan for you. The more you are able to surrender to that the clearer the fostering path will become.

Q&A....Ask Away!

2010-09-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

I try to answer questions as they come up in comments or emails
But I know there have been at least a few that have fallen through the cracks
So if you have anything that you would like to ask me
About foster care, adoption, photos, or whatever...
Leave it in the comments here and I will answer it to the best of my ability

Before and After

2010-09-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

This week for Pixel Perfect Before and After blog hop I edited this photo of Michael and William from our summer vacation. This is one of my all time favorite pictures of the two of them. It looked pretty good SOOC so I just did a little tweaking in Picasa and here is what I got.

~SOOC~

~Edit~

Taken with my Canon Rebel T1i

And speaking of my T1i it is no more! Turns out that whatever caused it to stop turning on (kinda an important feature of a camera) was not fixable. I was so upset when it stopped working that all I could think about was being without my camera and how much this whole thing sucked. Then I got a call from Canon and they are replacing my camera since it was still under manufactures warranty. And even better then that I don't have to get the same camera I can use the credit for something else. I was able upgrade to the Canon 60d! So as it turns out it was a total blessing that my camera broke and all that despair was completely unnecessary (as usual) So all I have to do now is wait like a crazy person at my door everyday for my mailman in hope he come bearing gifts. So excited!

Make sure to hop over to Monica's blog and check out all of the awesome edits this week. There is also a sweet giveaway this week so maybe this would be a good week for you to link up if you don't already :)

~ONE~

2010-09-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

Sweet pea,

The last 6 months have truly flown by
It hard to believe you have been with us half of your little life now
You have grown so much in that time
And you have helped us grow as well

~April~

You learned how to sit on your own and figured out how to roll over

~May~

You got your first tooth

~June~

You said Dada for the first time

~July~

You learned how to stand on you own

Then you clapped for yourself :)

~August~

You said Mama for the first time and it was well worth the wait

~September~

You took your first steps

which I have yet to capture on film

My how much you have grown!

I Will

2010-09-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

This has always been my favorite Beatles song. My friend Claire and I found the sheet music in her house one day many years ago. We had never listened to the original but she played it and we sung our little hearts out. When I finally listened to the original it was not quite like it was in my head. This morning I found this cover and it was perfect. I sing this song to William before bed.

~I WILL~

The Beatles

Who knows how long I've loved you

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime

If you want me to, I will

For if I ever saw you

I didn't catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know I will

I will

Cover by Jasmine Commerce

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-15T05:49:00.000-07:00

Long Road

2010-09-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have been a bit delusional when it comes to the time frame of foster care
Its hard not to because everyday this little girl becomes more a part of our family
Its a long road and so much can change in that time
There is really know way to predict what is going to happen
And this is unsettling

We had a visit with her mom yesterday

We talked about things that never were on the table before

She brought up adoption

I thought that this was what I wanted to hear

If before the visit I was asked what the perfect conversation

with her would sound like it would have been this

But it wasn't what I wanted to hear at all

As much as I thought it would be

I thought the stress of the unknown would melt away

But the truth is it just broke my heart

To see her mom feel so defeated

Broken down by the system, by her choices, by her family
To see the pain that she is in

To see her believe there is no way out

Yesterday she was done trying

Done fighting

She felt no mater how hard she tried

She would never be able to give her baby what we have

And honestly I have had these thoughts myself

But its simply not true

She is a good person in a bad situation

But its fixable

And as much as part of me agreed with what she was saying

I knew it was fear that made me think these things

We all have stumbled

We all have lost our way

We all have felt pain that we thought was more then we could take

But she CAN get back up
Its not going to be easy
Its not going to happen over night
But there is not a single person on this planet that is hopeless
God obviously still has faith in her or she wouldn't be here

I tried to tell her all of this but I'm not sure it was what she wanted to hear

Sometimes its overwhelming thinking about the work it will take

Sometimes its seems like giving up is the best option

But its NOT

And no matter how much I love this little girl
It is my job to love her mom just as much

Because she is a child just like all of us are

And regardless of her choices she still deserves love

Its so hard to love but not want to possess

I love this little girl so much and I want her to be mine
But that's not really love
None of us belong to our parents here on earth
Only to our father in heaven

As parents its our responsibility to nurture , protect, and shape our children's character

But we do not own them
Just like my parents do not own me
And knowing this is the only thing that melts the fear of the unknown away~

Back in action

2010-09-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we went to the Aquarium with Michael's Mom and Dad. As soon as we got there I snapped one picture and that was it. My camera turned off and never turned back on. My heart sunk as every perfect photo opportunity passed by and not matter what I tried there was no fixing it. I took it to the camera store hoping they would be able to fix it but no such luck. It is now sitting in a box in my living room waiting to be shipped to Canon for repairs. I was super upset that I wouldn't be able to take pictures of Mia's first birthday this weekend but my dad was generous to let me barrow his.

Today on our way home from Mia's visit with her mom we saw a sign for a wildlife preserve about a mile from our house. It is so crazy that we had never seen the sign before because we drive this way all the time. We decided to follow the signs and check it out.

As we drove closer it seemed like the signs we taking us deeper into civilization. Keep in mind we live in the intercity so its hard to believe that wildlife (apart from squirrels and pigeons) could really survive here to begin with. The final sign pointed directly across the street from a pretty shady housing complex.

We drove in and it was like we entered a different world. The whole city was blocked out by trees. Sounds of crickets and bird filled our ears. We walked and felt the cool breeze against our skin. This place was a much needed respite from our busy day. I am so grateful we found it.

Do Fun Stuff!

2010-08-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

I am so excited about this! I LOVE the blog Pacing the Panic Room. Ryan's photography is breathtaking. His taste in music is fabulous and his videos are amazing! I have never left his site feeling uninspired. His son, LB, has SMS, and his dad as awesome as he is, got his friends together make this album to raise money for research. I really hope that if you have a young child or have a friend with a young child or are a young child at heart you buy this to support SMS research. Maybe if you can't afford to buy it you could stop by Pacing the Panic room and post this widget on your blog to spread the word! Thanks!

Ruffle Pants!

2010-08-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

I watched this tutorial on how to sew ruffles

It was extremely helpful

I have been wondering about this

Since I got my sewing machine

But I just assumed it was out of my skill range

Considering sometimes I can't sew a straight line

As it turns out its much easier then I thought
And it inspired me to make some little ruffle pants for Mia
Oh how babies and ruffles go so well together
Melts my heart!

The whole thing took me about and hour total
It probably would have only taken 30 mins
If I had not broken my needle mid way
{did I mention I'm not a very experienced sewer}

Now I want to buy knit fabric in every color
And make her a pair for ever day of the week
Maybe I'll make myself some too!

Suffering

2010-08-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

All of my life I have tried to use faith to avoid suffering
Asking GOD to hold an umbrella over me through the storms
Praying that no one I love would ever have to feel pain, loss, or fear
I really believed this was GODs purpose in my life
to protect me and shield me from these things

So when something did hurt, when there was loss, when I watched as those I loved suffered
I wondered where was he then?
How could he let this happen?
Why to children go hungry? why do good people lose so much?
Why does it seem like those who have little faith are never really challenged
Living the safe life, never really taking chances, never really giving their all?

Now I am realizing that I was looking at the whole thing completely backwards
That our relationship with GOD can only grow in these times of suffering
That without trials we never get to truly experience his presence
With all of our comforts it becomes so hard to really have faith
When we have nothing faith is all there is left to have
So why are we so afraid to lose everything if losing everything means being closer to him?

I think its time to stop being afraid of the suffering life brings
Its time to embrace it
Because through it we grow and learn to love
And all of these struggles are really blessings
I am no longer asking for an umbrella but a hand to hold as I walk in the rain

Family Friday

2010-08-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

Homeschooling Help Please!!

2010-08-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

We made the decision months ago
To homeschool William this year for Kindergarten
The only problem is I feel like I have no idea what I'd doing
Or if I can even do this.

I can't decide if I should buy a curriculum,
Or if I should just come up with my own lesson plans
I am not the most organized person
so I am wondering how this is all going to work out

I felt great about this in June when it was so far away
Now that I can feel September breathing down my neck
I am getting stressed!

If you homeschool your kids~ do you have a curriculum?
Or write your own lesson plans out everyday? or just kinda go with the flow?
Do you go to a co-op or a play group? Or just play at your local park?
Do you have a school room or space or table?
Really any advice you have to share would be so deeply appreciated!

Thanks!!

The Zoo and other things too

2010-08-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

On Monday before our visit with Mia's mom
We spent the morning at the Philadelphia Zoo

The Philadelphia Zoo is america's frist Zoo
And a long time favorite of mine

You would think that being the frist would be great
As it turns out it is one of the worst Zoo's in America
but it is filled with so many memories of my childhood
And I love sharing that with William!

After we left the Zoo we went to see Mia's mom
It was short and sweet and we were on our way to pick up Michael from work
On our drive William starts talking about all of these crazy things
that have been going on with this body lately
I have noticed a few that he has mentioned here and there
But when he put them altogeter
I panicked and called his doctor
Luckily they were able to see us as soon as we could make it in
We rushed to get Micheal and at 6:30pm headed to the doctor

After explaining everything that had been going on
His suggestion was to head over to Childrens Hospital of Philadelpia
(Our home away from home)
Good thing its only 5 mins away
We sat in the ER for 8 + hours without even seeing a doctor
The Er doc finally made and appearance and ran a few test
It was 6 in the morning before we were done
And we left with less understanding of what was going on then when we came
It was a truly frustrating experience

We were back at his family doctor the next day and he ran a ton of tests
Everything came back looking better then the night before
So hopefully we are on the Up and Up
William seems to be feeling a little better
but its hard to tell with him
He hides his pain way too well
So that has been our last few days in a nutshell
Minus Mia's trip to the doctor the same day
but thats a whole different post

Updates!

2010-08-02T05:32:00.000-07:00

I have had a few questions recently about Baby Mia
About if she will be staying with us or not
And the only reason I haven't written this update before
Is because I really have no idea

As soon as it starts looking like reunification is not going to happen
Her mama takes a step in the right direction
And when I begin think she might be going home
Then she misses a visit

We have a court date in October that will determine
if she should be reunited with her mom
Or if the goal will move to adoption
I really want to see her go home
But only if that home is a safe place for her

I am trying help her mom get some things she will need
I have been looking on craigslist for cribs
I hope to find one for her so she wont have to sleep in a pack and play
I'm not sure how its all going to work out
October is a long way away
so I am just sitting back and enjoying the time I have with her

Her mom has a long road ahead
She needs to have a place to live, a job,
complete a drug and alcohol program, and take parenting class
All before October but something tells me she can do it

We have a two hour visit with her today
At first I really didn't like have to take her to visits
Its a hour away and there is always traffic
But now I really like have a weekly chance to touch base with her mom
And see how she is doing and watch her intact with her daughter

It makes me much more comfortable with the situation
Because I know that she will be loved regardless if she stays or goes

Side Note~ We got a call from our agency on Friday and the 2 year old girl they were going to place with us last week ended up staying with her previous foster family. They had her sleeping in a room with boys but the situation was resolved and she has her own room now so she will stay with them. The placement worker did say she would be calling us very soon so we shall see!

Lets go fly a kite!

2010-07-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

William received a kite for his birthday
But there just have not been very many windy days
So we didn't have a chance to use it until now

I think that based on how much fun he had flying it
It was well worth the wait

Before and After!

2010-07-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Monica over at Pixel Perfect has this awesome Thursday Before and After Blog hop. Here are my before and after shots for this week. Stop by her blog to see all of the other awesome fixes this week!

I shot this is RAW so it is pretty dark SOOC

Here it is after I played with it in Picasa for a bit

Oh and I took it with my Cannon Rebel T1i

That Call

2010-07-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we got a call about a new placement
No matter how many times someone calls about placements
It is always so exciting even if ultimately you decide that its not the right fit

Yesterday our agency was looking for a home for a two (almost three) year old girl
I was beyond excited
Michael and I have spent a lot of time talking about
what the ideal fit for our family would be
And we came to the conclusion that a two or three year old girl would be perfect
We are definitely open to other placements
but this would be the best with our current family dynamics

When I got the call I didn't even think twice about saying yes
I usually call Michael at work and see his feelings about it
But this time I already knew how he felt

I think in foster care it helps so much to have an idea
Of what will work and what wont
as far as bringing new children into your home
Its exciting when you get that call
and sometimes its tempting to say yes to situations
that are just not in the best interest of your family

Knowing that there is a child out there needing love
And you have love to give
It seems like a no brainer that they should come and live with you
But then there are the other children in your home who were hurt too
And need you too and you need to be sure that saying yes to a placement
Does not jeopardize the children already in your home

I think that this is one of the toughest parts of fostering
Knowing when to say No

But back to yesterday
The case worker had very minimal information as usual
Just her name, age, a brief history of her mom, and that she was foster to adopt
She didn't know when they would be picking her up from the other foster home
But it would be sometime today and she would call me when she knew more

I started getting everything ready
Washing sheets, moving beds, making our spare room look pretty
Then she called back at 5 and said it looks like they wouldn't be moving her today
Maybe tomorrow or maybe not at all
We were a little disappointed but it still may happen
And now the case worker has us on her mind
and knows we are open to more placements

We will see what today brings!

Home Again Home Again

2010-07-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

We are finally back from vacation
I still have a full suitcase waiting for me to unpack
And a pile of laundry higher then Mt. Everest
But none of that mattered as I drifted to sleep in my own bed last night

There is something about sleeping in your bed
after you've been away for awhile
It was so soft and I slept better then I have in a long time

The baby did too!
She didn't sleep much while we were away
I think it took a toll on her little body
Because she slept until 9 this morning
That was a first for her for sure

(I like how we are both making the same ridiculous face in this picture)

It was a wonderful trip filled with lots of family fun
And beach filled days
But there is nothing like home!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

Teacher

2010-07-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

I realized its been forever since I have posted here
So I sat down to update
Baby's sleeping
William is playing in his playroom
A moment to myself I thought

I start to think of all of the things that have happened
Since I last posted
Memories of hot summer fun flood my head

Then I hear this little voice calling me
"Mommy, Mommy can you come here and be my teacher?
Can you teach me new things? Could you do that for me today Mommy?"

Part of me wants to keep typing
But I feel the pull of a child who needs me
To show him the way
So I better go
Maybe I'll try again at bedtime
I have a lots to say just not much time to say it :)

So Fast!

2010-07-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

When I was mom to just Will
I didn't understand what people were talking about
When they said kids grow up so fast

It really didn't seem very fast to me
There is not really a whole lot of difference between
A four year old and a five year old

But man, babies, that's a whole different story
I am in awe everyday of this child's new achievements
Its crazy how must she has changed in the last 2 month

When she came to us she couldn't
Roll over, or sit, or really do much of anything
Besides eat and sleep

But now its like everyday she is doing something new
And its blowing my mind

They other day I went in her room to get her in the morning
And she was sitting up in her crib
Something she was never able to do before on her own
Then a few hours later when I went to get her after her nap
She was standing in her crib!

I am so excited that I have to opportunity to see this side of parenting
I missed all of this with William
His first tooth, his first steps...
But I feel like going through this with her
Gives me a little glimpse of what he was like when he was small
and I love that
It also brakes my heart because her mom is missing out on all of this
And I know now how great all of these little things are!

Water Park

2010-06-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

It has been so hot here the past few days

Today we decided to take a trip to the water playground

William made about 20 new friends

And had a blast playing then getting wet then playing some more

It was a refreshing afternoon

Good Times

2010-06-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

A few moments from yesterdays lunch in the park

Oh those poor pigeons
He was trying to feed them
But he was a little too excited

And today playing soccer in the sun

And William snapped this one of me and the baby

Before and After

2010-06-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

Monica over at Pixel Perfect has this awesome before and after blog hop
and I always enjoy checking out everyone's entries
So I figured why not do one of my own

Here is the SOOC shot

Here is it edited (in Picasa)

Taken with a Cannon Rebel T1i and a 50mm 1:1.8 lens

Starting Over

2010-06-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

I have been in a bit of a funk for the last week or so
And I think I have finally gotten to the bottom of it
I have been getting caught in a bit of a parenting rut

I have been treating my son with unrealistic expectations
I have been forgetting lately that he is just a little boy
When he gets distracted mid task,
Or plays in a destructive way,
Or asks me the same thing over and over again,
After I have already given him my answer,

I have been finding myself getting frustrated
I have reached a level of intolerance that that taken over
I have some very lofty expectations
That I am beginning to see are way over his head

Five seems so big
It seems like he understands so much
And we can talk and have such deep and amazing conversation
But his consciousness is not the same as an adult consciousness
Just wrapped up in a little body
He is a child filled with wonder and imagination

The world is still so new to him
Of course he gets distracted
It only makes sense that he struggles with adult tasks
And it is my job to be there to guild him

So its time for me to change
To slow down and enjoy his childhood
One day I may not be his favorite person
to share his secrets with
But today I am

Birthday Wonder

2010-06-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

Look who turned five yesterday!

When he woke up yesterday morning
He told me we needed to get him new shoes
because hes five
so his feet aren't going to fit in his shoes any more
Then he wanted to look in the mirror to see how big he was

He hasn't grown much since yesterday to his dismay
But he seems older

He wanted to go to the forest for his birthday
and on the way there he asked me
"Why do you think god made me a little boy and not a tree?"
I told him "I think god wanted to use you to help people
and that would be hard if you were stuck in one place all of the time"
He said "but I really like trees mom"
"I do too buddy"

We had a really nice day roaming the woods
And when we got home we had a little birthday celebration
I made cupcakes (which we a little dry)
But William loved them

This little boy is turning into a big boy

right in front of my eyes and I can hardly believe it!

Busy Busy

2010-06-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

Williams birthday is tomarrow!

And I have so much to do
Starting with figuring out how to make a
Gluten Free, Milk Free, Soy Free, Yeast Free Cake....

This should be intresting!

NYC

2010-06-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

On sunday we took a trip up to NYC!
It is about 2 hours from our house and well worth the trip
I just wish we had more then a day to spend there

We eat lunch in Washington Square Park
And we made a new friend
He was the most social squirrel I have ever seen

The squirrels in Philadelphia are not so nice
and the ones that come close only want your food
This one didn't want our food at all
We kept trying to feed him
but he was only interested in being close
He even let William pet him
And he put this little squirrel paw on Michael

It was a pretty cool experience!

Beach Birthday

2010-06-06T18:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my birthday
And we spent it lounging on the beach

Well I was lounging William was busy digging his way to China

He was all business when it came to shoveling

We did some swimming too
Which was a real surprise
because usually this time of year the water is still freezing

It was a beautiful day spent with some of my most favorite people

Magic Gardens

2010-06-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

Today William and I went to this wonderful special place
We walk by it almost daily
but in all of the years I have lived here I never went in

Now that it is warm the doors are usually
and the last few times we ventured past
William has expressed great interest in going in

We were in no rush so we went in to check it out
The Magic Gardens are a maze of mosaics
Made up of mirrors and glass bottles and ceramic plates and cups
It is such an eclectic mix of odds and ends

William had a look of sheer amazement on his face the whole time
After we were done we walked to the bus stop to catch a bus home
William snapped this shot of me and Mia
I think I finally know what to get him for his birthday

Our Lunch

2010-06-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today for lunch we had Quinoa with lentils,
black beans, chic peas, grilled veggies
(left over from last nights dinner), avocado, and a hard boiled egg

When William first came to live with us
He wouldn't eat any vegetable at all
He was a very picky eater
and he was used to eating very unhealthy food
We started giving him his veggies first before the rest of his meal
So he was hungry and he ate them
It took a few meals before he started requesting veggies
instead of pushing them away

We also let him help us meal plan
and he gets really excited about what we are making
I think the biggest thing that helped was eating with him
If I sit down and eat the same thing he is
Then he is a lot more likely to eat it too

Now this kid can not get enough veggies
You can often find him munching on
a whole carrot or a stalk of broccoli
He loves kale and spinach too!
The only thing he doesn't like is cucumbers
But we all have our preferences, right?

Here is William Last fall enjoing a carrot on his way to the park

Weekend at a glance

2010-05-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

I don't have a whole lot of time
Because we are getting ready to head over to my moms for a bbq
But I just wanted to share some highlights of the weekend

Saturday was pretty uneventful
We stayed home unpacked, painted, cleaned
(I think I will have some pics of the new place for you guys tomorrow:)
It was a relaxed day at home and sometimes they are the best

Sunday we went to a Native American festival
Which was really fun
We took William to one about a year ago
And he hasn't stoped talking about it since
He says it Native Camericans
Which is pretty adorable

He asked if we could go again on his birthday
Which is in 2 weeks from today
I did some research and the one closest to his birthday was yesterday
So we went and he had a blast

There were hoop dancers, and wovles, and peacocks
Flute players and lots of drums (Williams favorite)
Corn pounding was really fun!
William was so serious the whole time
And then he looked up completely amazed at the powder he had made

It was really cute

I think the birds of pray were the highlight of the day for me
Oh how I love owls

Check out this guys eyes
I love how they turn their head all the way around in slow motion
What awesome creatures!

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend as well <3

Buddhist Feast

2010-05-27T14:49:00.001-07:00

Every morning William and I past this Buddhist Temple
On our way to his school
They have this beautiful mural painted on the side of the building
And every day William asks if we can go there

The timing has never been right
Being that we are always running late for school
But William is staying home with me now
(thats a whole other post)
So we have a lot more time to do fun things together

This morning William woke up
And we talked about what he would like to do today
He asked if we could go to the Buddhist Temple
I wasn't really sure if we would be able to go in
But I said we could walk down there and check it out
William was beyond excited

We got there and the gate was shut
So we walked around to looked at the mural
And we took a few pictures
We were about to leave
When a man walked out of the temple

William waved and he asked if we would like to come inside
William ran towards the door
I followed
Once we got to the door there were lots of shoes
So we kicked ours off and stepped inside

There were about 15 Monks sitting against the back wall eating
There were little tables in front of them filled with lots a amazing food
People sat in front of the tables talking to the Monks as they ate
Asking them questions and listening to the Monks response
We sat down quietly in the back and watched

After the monks were done with their lunch
Everyone else began eating
The man that had invited us in brought us
plates fulled with rice and told us to help ourselves
There was lots of interesting food that I had never seen before
Vegetables that I had never seen
Some very strong tasting fruit
William eat everything
Smoked fish, some dried meat a monk gave him, some veggie soup
He ate and ate and ate

Then lunch was over and the Monks left
We stayed and help clean up
William gave the man who let us in a big hug and said thank you
He gave William a bunch of bananas and an orange
And we left
They said we could come back anytime
It was pretty amazing

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

Win a Beco Butterfly 2!!

2010-05-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

Ok so I never do this,
Or almost never, but I want to win this giveaway so badly
So here I am blogging about it!

Let me just say this is one of the most awesome carriers I have ever tried
I had one with William but he was getting to tall for it so I sold mine
It was so comfy and easy to use
And now I am totally kicking myself because
It would have been perfect for Mia!!

Here is William in our old Beco!
He looks pretty comfy right?

I hope I win this because a Beco would be truly loved in our house
We baby wear everyday and I could not function with out my hands free
We baby wear at home, at the park, at the market, ON THE BUS

The bus is our new thing we have been trying
Michael's car has been pretty unreliable lately
So most days he takes my car
For the longest time I would not even think about taking the bus
Mostly because I'm not really a stand around and wait type of person
But we live in a major city and the buses come fast
Every 5 mins so there is really very little waiting
And no car seats to worry about or parking to find
It is actually quicker then driving to the store!

I just went on a bit of a tangent but the bus is much easier,
With your heads free, like most things
So this would be awesome if I won!!

They are all so pretty but this one is my all time favorite!!
Its called Lauren and if I don't win I think this might be
My birthday present to myself!

Hop over to Sevin Family Blog
and enter yourself in this awesome giveaway!

Good Luck!!

And then there were two!

2010-05-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

The five year old boy who was placed with us last week
Went to live with his pre adoptive family today
He was really sweet and it was sad to see him go

He is with a family now where he will be the only child
And he will get all of the love and attention that he deserves
It was really nice having him pop into our lives for a bit
We will miss him
I know William already does

This is our first goodbye in our foster care experience
He had only been here a week
and it still was a bit harder then I though it would be
William let him pick out a bunch of his hot wheel cars
for him to take to his new house
and then Will asked for a marker
so he could write his name on them
that way he would remember that they were from William
It was really sweet and right before he left
he asked if he could hold the baby
He sat on the step and held her tight
Then he gave us all hugs and off he went

These are pictures from the park yesterday
We had a great time and even took a ride on the carousel
It was a nice ending to your time with him!

Settling in

2010-05-19T05:37:00.000-07:00

We are settling in to our new house
Finally we have working internet
and now that we do I have no time to use it

I still have a living room full of boxes
And 2 case workers stopping by
An I can't find my smoke detectors
Or my cabinet locks
So I better get on that before they get here

I am so happy with the new place though
It is such a better fit for us
And its amazing how more space
makes parenting 3 so much easier
I can't wait to share pictures once everything is finished being painted
For now this will have to hold you over
I think its blurry enough to share:)

And these sweet little feet

Where to start

2010-05-14T18:45:00.000-07:00

Its has been a completely crazy few weeks around here
I am not even sure where it begin
I guess I'll start with baby Mia (thanks Penny:)
Her mom is still struggling to getting everything together
So she will be with us at least until her next court date in October
Which is pretty crazy because 2 weeks ago
We thought for sure she would be going home on the tenth
But I am beginning to see that truly anything can happen in foster care

So this leads me to the next level of craziness
We had originally planned on only fostering boys
Because the way our house is set up any foster child
would be sharing a room with William
And in PA boys and girls can only share a bedroom until the age of five
William will be 5 in June and Mia will be one in September
And it looks like she will be in care longer then that
So we need to move!

I am actually super excited about the move
I have been wanting for this for a long time
but never really had the motavation
Our new place is so much bigger
and everyone gets their own room
Plus Michael and William can put a drum kit in the basement
Which was the big selling point for them
And William will have a playroom right off of the kitchen
Can you tell I'm excited?
The movers are coming on Monday
And all of our belongings are in boxes in the living room

Then I am packing yesterday and I get a call
From the intake worker from our agency
Don't you know they need a temporary placement for a 5 year old boy
We are moving and everything is boxed up
All of Williams toys are in boxes
All of his books
His crafts
It seems that every time we get a call the timing is always bad
And for some reason I always say yes
And it works itself out
So at 5:00 this little boy was dropped off
It is all so crazy and there is so much going on but somehow it works

I actually feel like a better parent to three then I did to one
Its only been a day so I'll let you know if I still feel that way next week:)
Not sure why, maybe its because all I have time to do at this point is parent
But I like it
I haven't slept through the night in over a month
But I am not tried
Its weird

I'm not sure what the internet situation will be like at the new place
Or how long it will take to get everything hooked up
But I am sure I will have a ton to share as soon as I do

The Unknown

2010-05-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

Our first experience with the foster care system
I am now beginning to see, was a rare one
When William was placed with us
His parental rights had already been terminated
So there were no visits with his birth family
We never really wondered if we would be able to adopt him
When he came we pretty much knew he was here to stay

The case of the little girl in our care now
It could not be more different
Her mom is desperately tiring to get her back
We have visits with her mom once a week
And everything is uncertain
Its just so different from your experience with William
But I think it is closer to the norm in most foster cases

It is tough because I want this little girl to go home
I want her to grow up with her mom
But I also want her to have all of the opportunities she deserves
I know that she is right where she needs to be for now
And that there is a plan for her that is much bigger then me
In the end it will all play out just as it is supposed to
So I will have faith and let everything unfold

Smells like Spring

2010-05-01T19:30:00.001-07:00

Spiderman

2010-04-30T14:15:00.001-07:00

Today we went to Smith Memorial Playground
If you live any where near Philadelphia
And have small kids
I suggest you check it out

Its free and awesome and they have something for every age
They have this huge 100 year old wood slide
that you go down sitting on a poato sacks
And they have a new tot park that is great for little ones

But William personal favorite is the huge rope web
I think he would live there if I let him

It was a beautiful day here
I think it was around 80
The warmest its been in a long time
And it was so nice to be outside playing

Whats in a Name?

2010-04-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

Since B's adoption was finalized
I have wanted to share his name with you
But it not quite that simple
When I gave B that nickname on this blog
It was because we called him Brandon
Brandon was the name that his previous foster family
Chose to call him when they were in the process of adopting him
He went by his name on his birth certificate
for the first 2 and a half years of his life
Then they changed it to Brandon
because all of their other children had B names

We called him that for the first few months he was with us
Only because that is what he called himself when people asked
And that is why I nicknamed he B here

Then when it was time for him to start school
And it was clear we would be adopting him
We started talking to him about his name
He agreed that he wanted to be called by his real name
So we began the name transition

He corrected people right away when they called him by his old name
I think that Brandon came with a lot of baggage
of his life with previous foster family
And going back to his birth name was freeing for him

So what is his name you ask?
Well maybe you didn't but I will tell you anyway:)

William

MIA

2010-04-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

I have so much that I have been wanting to share here
But I can't seem to take my eyes off of this little face
I will be back soon though, I promise!

Blessing

2010-04-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

Look what we were blessed with today

I don't know how long she will be here
But we are just loving on her while she is
Such a sweet little baby

Spring

2010-04-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Carnival

2010-04-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

B has been wanting to play baseball
since he saw some boys practicing last spring
He asks all the time when can we sign up
So I talked to a mom of a boy in his class
and she gave me the info on where her son plays
I called and it turns out today was the very last day to sign up
I had a half hour until they closed
This always seems to be happening to me
Maybe I need to get better organized
We got there just in time

And to B's shear delight what was going on at the baseball field....

A carnival

The look of excitement on his face was way to much to resist
So after we got everything squared away with the baseball stuff

We went on a few rides
And oh my gosh they were scary
(for me, that is)
B thought it was awesome!

I remember felling that way once
Now all I keep thinking was "is this safe?"
or "will this tiny nylon strap save me if I really were to fall out of here?"
Or "did the guy know what he was doing when he put this thing together"
I was holding B's hand so tight on the Ferris wheel
I really felt like we might just fall out
B thought it was pretty funny
It was.

This is his "You have got to be kidding me, mom" face

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Easter 2010

2010-04-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

The Haircut!

2010-04-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

B had been asking me about cutting his hair
It all started one day when Michael was giving himself a trim
B wanted one too
I told him to hold off for now
because he was so adamant about growing it out
And it had taken him so long that
I didn't want him to make a rushed decision
just because the clippers were out

Then after I thought about it
I realized that I might have said no because
I love his hair!
He looks so cute with long hair and its fun
Sometimes we style it all crazy
Sometimes he wakes up and it is standing straight up
He loves silly hair
It makes me smile

But alas its his head not mine
And I think he was just ready for a change
When he brought it up again a few days later
I pulled out the clippers and cut it for him

I could tell when we were about 1/2 way done
He was having some second thoughts
But as soon as he realized
how much attention his new do got him
He was all smiles again!

Playground

2010-03-31T19:21:00.001-07:00

This is my favorite playground

It is where I played when I was a little girl

I love being able to share it with B

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T19:05:00.001-07:00

ahoy matey!

2010-03-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Grandmom

2010-03-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

This post is a little late but I wanted to share anyway
Sunday was Micheal's moms birthday
So we went to her house for dinner

B spent most of the time running around the backyard
Frolicking in the sun and doing what he does best
It was just beautiful out and so nice to spend some time with family

B had a blast jumping off rocks in Grandmom's backyard
And throwing balls over her fence
and having his cousins jump the fence to get them for him
But his favorite part was
the Gluten-free cupcakes that his aunt made for him

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

Its Official

2010-03-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

Our adoption was finalized today! At 12:00 pm we officially became a family.

Sunny Days

2010-03-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

All winter I have been fantasizing about moving to somewhere
That is warm 365 days of the year
Somewhere that the sun always shines for at least part of the day
Somewhere that you can go swimming outside in February
Somewhere you don't need to own jackets because it never gets that cold

But as the weather is starting to change here
And things are sprouting from the ground
Trees are coming back to life
The grass is looking greener
People fill the playgrounds

I am beginning to remember what is so wonderful about having seasons
After a long few months of hibernation the earth is coming back to life
and it is brings with it so much energy and newness
I am sure mild weather would be nice
but there is something about winter
that makes me appreciate spring so much more

Finally

2010-03-07T16:48:00.000-08:00

The sun finally decided to come out
And there was not a pile of snow in sight
A much needed sign that spring is really on its way

It has been a really busy few weeks
With school and B and snow and more snow
and our adoption finalization is in two weeks!!

I have off from school next week for Spring Break
I am super excited to have more time to spend here
Filling you guys in on all of the stuff
I haven't had a chance to blog about

And doing the 2 tons of laundry
that has accumulated in my bathroom
Wait, I am not really that excited about the laundry
But it will be nice to have a choice what I wear
and not the have to go with whatever is clean
Yeah its that bad

What a difference a week makes!

2010-02-27T09:50:00.001-08:00

How it went down

2010-02-18T11:55:00.000-08:00

I was at school on Wednesday morning
I have a break from 10-11 am
So I took a little walk over to Whole Foods
to get some tea
I had some unfinished Chemistry homework
so I sat in the dinning area and completed my take home test

As I am sitting there my phone rings
Its B's school
This is not unusual because B's teacher calls me all of the time
I like it that way
She calls and checks in and tells me how he's doing
We have become friends and I feel so safe leaving him there

I pick up the phone and I can barely hear her
B is crying so loudly in the background
My heart stops
She tries to tell me what happened
but I can tell by her voice that she is about to
start to cry
She said he need to go to the hospital
I threw my books in my bag
hung up the phone and ran out the door

Whole Foods is about 3 blocks away from my school
I ran back to school
On a normal day its an easy walk
Not far at all
Yesterday it was the longest three blocks of my life

I finally got to my car in the garage at school
I could not find my ticket to pay so I could leave
My heart was beating out of my chest
I felt sick to my stomach

I got in my car without paying
and begged the guy at the gate to let me out
Luckily I guess I looked upset enough he believed me
And he lifted the barricade

B goes to school by our house
My school is on the other side of the city

At this point I really had no clue
as to what happened
So I called his teacher back to get more information
He was still screaming in the background
She told me he had slipped off of his chair
and he fell on his pencil went into his eye

At this point I was was thinking the worst
The way she made it sound I thought
The contents of this eye was spilling out everywhere

I drove as fast as I could
Called Michael on the way
I told him what I knew which was not much

It took me 15 mins or so to get to B's school
I felt so helpless not being able to get there any faster
By the time I pulled up
There was an ambulance outside

My heart was in my stomach
as I walked threw the door to his school
He was sitting in a chair with an EMT
His head was completely rapped up

He wasn't crying anymore and was happy to see me
I ran over and picked him up
And his teacher explained what happened

He had been kneeling on his chair at his desk
She asked him to sit on his bottom
He didn't
She turned around to get a piece of paper for him
And his chair had slipped out from under him
He landed on the eraser side of the pencil
In the corner of his eye

The EMT said that luckily it seemed
to be a deep cut on his eyelid
And that his eye was swollen but should be fine

I felt a kind of relief I can't explain
Partly just because I was there with him in my arms
But mostly because it was not as bad as I originally had thought

Little boys get hurt
He is a very busy boy
And does a lot of adventurous things
No matter how hard you try to keep your child safe
They will eventually get hurt
And there is not a whole lot you can do but be there for them

So we got in the ambulance and drove to the hospital
B was calm at this point
He was so excited the whole ride
Asking the EMT what everything did
Asking about his PB and J that we left at school
Wondering when he could eat again

At the hospital he was a real trooper
We saw lots of doctors but It was hard for them
to figure out what was going on
due to his eye being swollen shut

So they had to take him to the OR and sadate him
Once he was asleep they were able to check everything out
His eye is fine everything should be ok
as soon as the swelling goes down
He needed 10 stitches on the inside of his eyelid
So they fixed him up and now time will heal the rest

It still looks pretty nasty
But he is not phased in the least
He is back to all of his normal stunts today
Running around like a crazy person
Fearless as ever

I am just so thankful that there was
no long term damage to his eye

Every time we go to the Hospial
it reminds be how luckily we are to have a healthy child
I am so grateful for that

What a Day!

2010-02-17T19:29:00.000-08:00

I just walked in the door after
spending the last 12 hours
at Children's Hospital with B
He is fine now and happily sleeping in his own bed
He had a accident involving his eye
It is quite the story
Maybe I will share it tomorrow
But tonight I need to go to bed

Little Rocker

2010-02-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

Made with Love

2010-02-15T09:48:00.000-08:00

B had a Valentines day party at school today
So we (mostly me) made
fortune cookie valentines for his friends
We also added some
Organic, no sugar added, Gluten free Strawberry Lollipops, YuM!

Here is how we made them
In case you wanted to give it a go
They are really cute
and would work for other things too

First find something round and trace it on paper
We used Scrapbooking paper
And a glass bowl

Next Cut out your circles
We did them all at once to save some time

The next step is not necessary
But it makes the whole thing a lot easier
Fold the circle in half and crease only the center

Now this is where it might get a bit tricky
Turn the paper 90 degrees
so your crease is facing up and down

Now grab the hot glue gun
And put a little drop of glue
At the top of your circle

Now slip in your fortune

This is the hardest part
It is much easier if you have that first crease
Grab both ends of the semi circle
and push them together
and the crease should go in
That is about as clear as mud
But if you try it yourself it is kind of self explanatory

It takes ripping a few to really get the hang of it
I know from experience

Now put a little dot of glue in the center
to keep it folded
And you are done!

Repeat about 20 times and you have yourself some Valentines!

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

Today while we were walking through the park
we spotted this heart shaped cloud
You kinda have to tilt you head upside down to see it

I have been a big slacker over here
and have neglected this blog of mine this week
I am sorry about that
And for those of you that still read anyway
Here is a big
I LOVE YOU!!
You guys are the best
I love having this place
to get thoughts out
and share photos
and make friends!

My brain has just been frozen solid from this snow
We only had school one day last week
And spent a whole lot of time
playing inside in our PJ's
It was nice and cozy and lazy
And I liked it!

But now it is time to get in gear
And get things done
I have a lot to make up for
due to my lack of motivation last week
So here I go
But not before I say:

Happy Valentines Day!

Snow Day

2010-02-08T16:17:00.000-08:00

B's school was closed today due to
the crazy amount of snow we got over the weekend
So we went outside and played in it

It is suppose to snow again tomorrow
I don't think it snow once last winter

I love the snow while it is snowing
When you go outside
And the city is completely silent
No one out on the normally crowed streets

When it has been around for a few days and starts to get
All black and slushy I am not the biggest fan:)